Does changing your last name mean losing your identity once you're married?

on July 19th, after almost 2,350 days of dating - or seven years (most of which have been living together) - I have finally welcomed a new title, 'wife.'

This feat has been a long time coming for my guy. He has proposed to me more than I can count. Although he is amazing, my greatest supporter and best friend, I have just always dismissed the idea due to a very specific set of personal reasons like completing my BA, starting a career and getting out of debt. In other word, I wanted to establish who I was and what made me happy BEFORE I committed to making him happy. I thought that I had to have everything about myself figured out before I was committed to him.

I've always been on the fence about changing my name also. If I googled myself, I get to see the virtual evolution of who I am. I can easily establish myself as a person. However, changing my name would mean erasing all of that. Leaving it all behind. That scared the shit out of me. So i have always said that the man that i decided to marry would have to accept that I would fall into that 13 percent of women who kept their maiden name.



I'm very fortunate to have this man, because unlike most, he could care less. He never tried to persuade me or believed that i was in anyway dishonoring him. He just didn't care at all. All he has ever wanted was me.

I didn't make my mind up until the day after we were married to change it. No pressure from anyone else. It just came to me to do it. While I maintain that personal happiness is still your personal responsibility, I realize that you don't have to have everything "ready" in order to have the life that you want. You just need to be open to the possibilities of it all. Because once you get what you're asking for or what you've worked so hard for, it will likely change you anyway.

I am slowly approaching 30 and so excited about all of the changes surrounding this new chapter. I've challenged myself and grown to know so much about who I am. About a year ago, I recognized that I was no longer growing. I felt (feel) like a flower trapped in it's first pot. It was a nice place to cultivate and stimulate my growth, but now I've outgrown it. I feel like I cannot stretch any further. It was at that point that I realized that my name was a representation of that versus a lose of identity.

I was not losing who I was, I'm still her. I was gaining a new identity. One that would allow me to grow, stretch and create the person I chose to be. This name change represented the possible procurement of a new pot. My life has changed drastically in the last few months. And I am over-the-moon excited about it all. I am evolving. These new titles of wife and mommy are just stimulants.

We are not defined by our names, weight, titles, etc. We are defined by our willingness to CREATE ourselves. Every day is a new day to redefine ourselves. I once proudly proclaimed that I know who I am. As I felt that sense of identity slipping through my hands, I felt extremely vulnerable. Now, I love that fact that my identity is variable. I make the rules. Every day is a chance to redefine yourself. If you don't like your weight, your friends, your career, your city, whatever. CHOOSE TO CHANGE.

It's really that simple.